2019

2019 was actually a pretty intense year for me. I tried to publish. And to survive. I made a collection of the happiest moments on photo. Now we are taking off. Driving south.

Pura Vida
a luci(ni)d bounty
Soul mate support system
My first faculty job interview
My California love
Iron Kittens
Mami
World Dance
The girl who lives in the forest
Riding into the sunset
My proudest moment of the year
Skate like a girl
A big dog at heart
what if…
just peace
The caterpillar
blue eyes
How is Khris Davis feeling?
Ex Luna
My family, strong.

Happy Chinese New Year

I am back from Panama. Living and working in California. This month I have to do a a lot of bioinformatics. Several datasets are waiting to be analyzed. I am now actively using R Markdown and Jupyter notebooks to make my work more transparent and reproducible. Stephanie organized a workshop for the Carlson, Power, Ruhi and Grantham group at UC Berkeley on data management plans. I found myself in all categories: the planning stage of a project, fieldwork, wet lab, data analysis, statistics, bioinformatics, preparing a paper, and post-publication. This is postdoctoral life. And it is beautiful.

Last week I read this blog several times. It gives me goosebumps because it describes my life in very beautiful words. It touches me right in the middle. What is a postdoc?

This blog post is by Jeremy Yoder, now professor Jeremy Yoder. He is a member in the committee of The Molecular Ecologist. They offered me to write blog posts for their website. I am extremely happy to fulfill this job. The journal Molecular Ecology is one of my favorites and I find it important to make its publications accessible to everybody. Writing for this website is one step in the right direction. I am planning to explain exciting Molecular Ecology articles to the general public and discuss trends in this field of research. Additionally, I am also looking forward to contributing articles about the challenges and strategies of researchers (mostly postdocs) who are trying to juggle work and family. I envision this website as a platform to assist academia in becoming a more inclusive environment. I know that the other bloggers are on the same page and I am extremely thankful that they offered me to become a part of their writing team.

I have been half sick as of yesterday and today. However, as a parent you cannot just lie in bed and wait until you recover. Sorry world for spreading my bugs. Yesterday afternoon, we went to Stinson beach to remember at what a beautiful place we are allowed to life. Today we joined the Chinese New Year party at the UC village. Such parties make this place unique. It feels so special to walk 300m to a community center and meet fellow researcher families from all over the world on a boring Sunday to celebrate the year of the dog. We met people who spoke Mandarin, Bangla, Japanese and English. We used too much glitter, ate good free food and took silly photos. I am enjoying every second of being affiliated with the best public university in this country.

 

Die leere Wohnung

Wenn Studenten und Mitarbeiter an der Uni Berkeley mindestens zwei Kinder haben und wenig verdienen, dann dürfen sie in einem sogenannten Dorf in Albany eine subventionierte Wohnung beziehen. Genau von so einer Wohnung haben wir seit 2 Jahren geträumt. Wir haben sie bekommen. Bereits 2.5 Wochen nachdem wir nach Kalifornien gekommen sind und in einem kleinen Transporter gewohnt haben. Eigentlich habe ich eine Email bekommen mit der Nachricht, dass wir sicher bis im Februar keine subventionierte Wohnung kriegen werden weil viele andere in der Warteliste bedeutend ärmer sind als wir. Nachdem ich aber persönlich mit der ganzen Familie bei den Wohnungsvermittlern im Büro aufgetaucht bin haben sie uns per sofort eine Wohnung angeboten. Klammerbemerkung: Hier in Kalifornien läuft sehr viel so. Es gibt viel Bürokratie zu erledigen aber wenn man persönlich vorbei schaut sind die Leute sehr freundlich und vor allem hilfreich. Jetzt haben wir also so eine Wohnung.

Was braucht man in einer leeren 3-Zimmer Wohnung? Der 50-jährige Mann und die 30-jährige Frau mit 2 Kleinkindern und einem unerwarteten Mitbewohner Mitte 20 sitzen in einer sauberen, leeren Wohnung. Mein Stipendium beinhaltet Familienbeiträge und wir haben Erspartes mitgebracht. Nun können wir die Wohnung füllen. Diese Situation ist spannend und aufregend. Sie beinhaltet aber auch viele Entscheidungen. Fast zu viele Entscheidungen. Was braucht man überhaupt in einer Wohnung um glücklich zu sein. Kann man das generalisieren? Was brauche ich jeden Tag? Einen Wasserkocher, einen Dampfgarer, ein Bett mit einer bequemen Matratze, einen Staubsauger. Das waren meine ersten Gedanken. Dann habe ich an Linnea gedacht. Spielsachen, ein Kajütenbett, Schränke für Spielsachen. Einen Kühlschrank, eine Badewanne, WC Papier, Internet, ein Bett – das sagt Donny. Nichts, ich brauche nichts. Das sagt der Mitbewohner. Ein paar Kartonschachteln. Das sagt der post-doc der nicht mit uns wohnt. Der durchschnittliche Schweizer mit Nationalfonds Geld, der sein Stipendium an der Uni verbringt. Oder ist das mein Gewissen?

Überwältig von Emotionen

Echoes start as a cross in you,
Trembling noises that come to soon.
Spatial movement which seems to you,
Resonating your mask or feud.
Hollow talking and hollow girl,
Force it up from the root of pain.

Never said it was good, never said it was near,
Shadow rises and you are here.

And then you cut;
You cut it out,
And everything
Goes back to the beginning.

Silence seizes a cluttered room,
Light is shed not a breath too soon.
Darkness rises in all you do,
Standing and drawn across the room.
Spatial movements are butterflies
Shadows scatter without a fire.

There’s never been bad, there has always been truth,
Muted whisper of the things she’ll move.

And then you cut;
You cut it out.
And everything
Goes back to the beginning.

Never said it was good, never said it was new,
Muted whisper of the things you feel.

I love being flooded with intellectual provocations

Rustin Cohle: People out here, it’s like they don’t even know the outside world exists. Might as well be living on the fucking Moon.
Martin Hart: There’s all kinds of ghettos in the world.
Rustin: It’s all one ghetto man, giant gutter in outer space

Rustin: I’d consider myself a realist, alright? But in philosophical terms I’m what’s called a pessimist. I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, that accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everbody’s nobody. I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing. Walk hand in hand into extinction. One last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.

Rustin: We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self. This accretion of sensory experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody when, in fact, everybody’s nobody.

Dress code

It is already a fact that I take care of Donny’s attire. Lately I went a bit wild…

Moby Dick BY DAN BEACHY-QUICK No reverie begs “light” in the blind eye. Reverie says: dig this depth-of-blank Deeper. Dig deeper With the Whale below the white-capped waves— A twitch of his tail, a twitch of his white tail Birthed from ocean-bed the wave That broke calm water into each cracked plank Of the harpooner’s boat, made that man sway, And cast him on the spear his arm meant to cast At you. Beneath the sun’s evil weight Men burn nightwards but never darken Past night. There’s always the moon’s hook On still water to deny them. But Whale, you dive down Until the ocean’s ground begs you solid, “Stop.” Whale, you do not stop. You beat your head against the jagged rocks. Blind in depths so dark light itself is blind, You knock your head against the rocks to see And scratch the god-itch from your thoughts. Flame is jealous of flame, once lit, it ever Reaches higher. You wait, match-tip, White Whale. I see how you wait in silence for silence To say: write it in, tell me who I am now.

Moby Dick
BY DAN BEACHY-QUICK
No reverie begs “light” in the blind eye.
Reverie says: dig this depth-of-blank
Deeper. Dig deeper
With the Whale below the white-capped waves—
A twitch of his tail, a twitch of his white tail
Birthed from ocean-bed the wave
That broke calm water into each cracked plank
Of the harpooner’s boat, made that man sway,
And cast him on the spear his arm meant to cast
At you. Beneath the sun’s evil weight
Men burn nightwards but never darken
Past night. There’s always the moon’s hook
On still water to deny them.
But Whale, you dive down
Until the ocean’s ground begs you solid, “Stop.”
Whale, you do not stop.
You beat your head against the jagged rocks.
Blind in depths so dark light itself is blind,
You knock your head against the rocks to see
And scratch the god-itch from your thoughts.
Flame is jealous of flame, once lit, it ever
Reaches higher. You wait, match-tip, White Whale.
I see how you wait in silence for silence
To say: write it in, tell me who I am now.

humpback on a bicycle

humpback on a bicycle

my white horse; And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder: One of the four beasts saying: "Come and see." And I saw. And behold, a white horse. There's a man goin' 'round takin' names. An' he decides who to free and who to blame. Everybody won't be treated all the same. There'll be a golden ladder reaching down. When the man comes around.

my white horse;
And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder:
One of the four beasts saying: “Come and see.” And I saw.
And behold, a white horse.
There’s a man goin’ ’round takin’ names.
An’ he decides who to free and who to blame.
Everybody won’t be treated all the same.
There’ll be a golden ladder reaching down.
When the man comes around.

Monterey Bay Aquarium

Die Idee hier ist, sich nicht ablenken zu lassen. Sich nicht mitziehen zu lassen. Die meisten Leute eilen durch das Museum. Rennen von Aquarium zu Aquarium. Lassen sich mitziehen. Wir waren langsam. Wir haben uns ein paar schöne Aquarien gesucht und haben da verweilt. Für eine richtig lange Weile.

meine allerliebsten Freunde

IMG_2836

Erinnerungen an meine Buckelwal Feldarbeit

Erinnerungen an meine Buckelwal Feldarbeit

Thunfisch Sandwich.

Thunfisch Sandwich.

Honu

Honu

hammergeil

hammergeil

Monterey Bay Kelp Forest

Monterey Bay Kelp Forest